Entitled ‘The Day Our Lives Changed’, the book has been written by Jennifer Smart Fox and explores the death from bacterial meningitis of her 21-year-old grandson Matthew and its aftermath.
As well as trying to make sense of her own thoughts and feelings at the time and since, Jennifer hopes the book will resonate with other grandparents and help them with their own stories of loss. As she says: “We can't be the only grandparents who have or are going through this.”
“The reason I have written our story is because we could find very little or no help for people like us. It is my hope that as you read my true and honest account, often written through tears, that you will find things that you can relate to and you won’t feel so alone on your journey.”
Very sudden
Matthew died from bacterial meningitis on 1 April 2023.
Jennifer told us: “It was all very sudden and in fact was two days from the time that we had a phone call from one of our other grandsons who was with him at the time to say that he wasn't well and could we ring him, which we did. It sounded as if he had a very bad cold and he did indeed sound unwell.
“On checking out where he was and making sure that he was with someone, as it was a cold night, we decided to ring him the next day to check in on him. Finding out that he was at his girlfriend's house and that there were others around we didn't worry too much and just encouraged him to dose himself up and drink to get some fluids into him.
“The next morning his grandad rang him and it sounded like we had just woken him up. The last thing we heard from Matthew was heavy breathing as though he had fallen asleep on us. What we hadn't realised was that he had probably fallen unconscious. The next day, Saturday, we received a call from our son Sam to tell us that Matthew had passed away.”
The grief journey
Jennifer’s book is split into 20 chapters, which go from telling the reader a little bit about herself, to a little bit about Matthew. She talks about the day itself and how her daughter, Sue, was told the news, as she was out of the country at the time. She also explores what happened at the hospital and the three-week nightmare of waiting for a specialist pathologist to be found.
Further chapters cover the day that her daughter Sue could finally visit her son at the chapel of rest, the grief journey, things we can do to remember our loved one, the first birthday, Christmas and other significant family occasions and grief from a man's perspective.
The book also includes a few stories from other grandparents and concludes with a chapter on links and further information.
Pain was unbearable
Jennifer added: ‘I’ve just turned 73 and I have never done anything like this before in my life. There were so many thoughts and emotions in my head and the pain that we were going through was unbearable, so I decided to write it all down.
“I then thought ‘why not make it into a book?’ and help others who may be going through what we are. We can't be the only grandparents who have or are going through this.
“This was about two months after Matthew's death. I was asking myself questions like, what are we supposed to do with all that is going on here? Not only are we grieving over the death of Matthew, but we are also watching our poor daughter grieving over the loss of her son. It is the most painful thing to witness.”
Forever Weekend
The family has also become involved with Meningitis Now since Matthew’s death. Family members have attended our Forever Weekend and are also involved in our Believe & Achieve programme. They have also been involved in fundraising.
Our chief executive Tom Nutt said: “I hope writing this book has proved helpful for Jennifer, as I'm sure reading it will be for other families exploring their own grief following a sudden and traumatic bereavement. It serves to remind us of how far and wide the ripples spread throughout families, friends and communities following a case of meningitis.”
'The Day Our Lives Changed' is available from Amazon, both in paperback and kindle format.
