“After many years, I accepted that this was not a reflection on me or my work ethic and capabilities, but it was something that happened to me that I had no control over."
“Around Christmas time I'd been out enjoying lunch with my friends when I developed a headache which got worse and I had to go home.
“I went to bed because the pain and the light was annoying me and my neck became very sore. I had a headache that I'd never encountered before and ended up on the phone to the doctor three times that day because of the severity of it.
“On my third call the doctor ordered me an ambulance that took me to hospital. They did a lumbar puncture and diagnosed me with viral meningitis.
Totally shocked
“I was totally shocked and couldn't understand how I, as a fit 39-year-old, got this. As far as I was aware, this only happened to the very young.
“I was in hospital for a little while and struggled to walk and talk. Fortunately my walking disability was temporary but my speech, memory and intellect were impaired significantly.
“The first six months were the most difficult. I was a single parent with my own business. My parents were able and willing to help with my son where needed. However, I was no longer able to maintain my business. I built databases for large companies and no longer had a clue how to do this.
Lost my confidence
“All my life and social skills disappeared and I could not remember what to do. This had a very detrimental effect on my life. I had lost all of my confidence and had a lot of confusion and general memory loss. I had almost completed an English degree; and now struggled with words and spelling.
“I felt that I'd gone from being very good at most things, to absolutely crap at everything.
“I ended up getting a job and working for a bank, having no idea how I managed that. I was working on their fraud team the whole while thinking that I had no idea what I was doing and they were going to find out and sack me. I doubted and second guessed myself constantly.
Memory and words were impacted
“Eventually my brain exhausted itself again and all the new neuro pathways that it had built. And it seemed like I was back to square one. My memory and my words were impacted greatly.
“Then COVID happened and I had to stay off work.
“I didn't get back to work until approximately two years later. My brain had built new pathways and allowed some progress.
“I went through full training again and was coping well, until one day, out of the blue, I went into work, put my PC on and had no idea what to do next. I had done these things every day, sometimes with a little difficulty, but that day, any knowledge was gone. I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't even speak.
“A colleague spotted me and came over and asked if it was alright. I was unable to answer and overcome with confusion. Everyone's voice seemed amplified and I felt like I was inside a vacuum.
Absent from work
“This led to me being absent from work and revisiting my neurophysiologist. I had been contracted to three working days a week working at the bank, so I started thinking; do I need to find something else and accept the possibility that I would never be capable of working in that pressured environment again?
“It was a massive problem for me because I kept thinking about the person that I used to be and beat myself up constantly about it.
“After many years, I accepted that this was not a reflection on me or my work ethic and capabilities, but it was something that happened to me that I had no control over.
Relaxed and happier
“I started putting a plan together as a backup and started a business in carpet and upholstery cleaning. This was a very different job that required less mentally but I gained huge satisfaction from it and my brain could engage more effectively because I was much more relaxed and happier. I resigned from the bank last August.
"I first got in touch with Meningitis Now in September 2020 as I was struggling so much with my memory, speech and balance. I was matched with Alison, a Community Support Officer who has been by my side since.
“It had been very difficult for me to accept the way I was. It seemed like I couldn't do anything anymore. It affected me in so many ways. I couldn't hold a conversation, I didn't want to go out in case I met anyone I knew. I forgot how I knew some people and would repeat myself and get confused in conversation.
Community Support
“Allison tried to put it all into perspective for me, telling me that I'm still here, the person everyone knew and meningitis shouldn't define me. She said people weren’t judging me and I should trust those around me. What happened wasn't my fault and I shouldn't feel stupid.
“To me Alison was my confidant. I could tell her everything knowing that she wasn't judging me. She understood what I was going through from her own personal experiences and slowly helped me feel better about myself.
“I started being kinder to myself and began to weed out the dead flowers in my mind and plant new seeds. Alison has come over to Belfast to make time for me and every time she comes we can both see how much better I am.
Started enjoying things again
“I finally accepted that I am still me and those little seeds are flowering. I didn't have to prove anything to anyone. I was just going to do the best that I could and that was good enough.
“I started enjoying things again and I began flourishing. My speech has greatly improved and many days it is perfect. My memory is not perfect, but that's okay, I can live with that and everyone around me is there to help.
“Meningitis Now changed how I felt and helped me in so many ways. I'm so very grateful for Alison.”
